Catch Up!

It's been a while since my last post. I haven't done a very good job at documenting pregnancy like I figured I would. So I am making a catch up post.

We chose a name! She is Birdie Claire Walker!

I first felt her move on April 21st and daddy felt her on April 24th. Two of the best days of this pregnancy! She moves a lot now. At first it seemed she really had a pattern of kicking and dancing, usually around 8:00 in the morning, 4:00 in the afternoon and right at bedtime but now it is still those times plus many more times during the day. Even after feeling movement, it still seems a little unreal that a baby is growing in my belly.

Mother's Day was a good day. Last year at Mother's Day I had so many emotions, I was thinking about the baby we lost and how far along in that pregnancy I would have been, about my sister being able to celebrate the growing baby in her belly, about our upcoming IVF plans.... This year I thought about both our babies, the one still growing and the one with Jesus. I cried tears of sadness when I thought about how big he or she may be now and how fun it would be to see our baby with our niece Harley (due about a month apart). I cried tears of joy knowing that baby was safe and happy and where God intended it to be. I cried and thanked God for the baby that is here and growing still. But mostly I thought about all the wonderful people out there still waiting for God to unfold His plan to grow their families and I cried for and prayed for them. I thought about all the blog gals I follow, the ones who have experienced losses in the last year, the ones who are now expecting, the ones who are still fighting to achieve their first pregnancy, the ones who have moved on to another step (different doctors, embryo adoptions, starting the adoption process) and I prayed that they would have a good day.

Ryan surprised me with a gift that day. I have wanted a windmill for my yard for a long time and he finally got me one! We put it together after church that Sunday.

 

23 weeks, 2 days on Mother's Day

 

A few weeks ago was our 5 year anniversary! We celebrated our anniversary the way we do every year, a Cardinal's game! It was Birdie's first trip back to St. Louis, the first of many for our future Cardinal fan. I can't wait to see her in red sitting on her daddy's lap at the games! And her first game was a win!

 

 

24 weeks, 1 day



Her room has been a work in progress for the last month: bead board and trim installed and painted, my friend Dawnesea sewed all her crib bedding (crib skirt, sheet, quilt, pillows, and changing pad cover, she's also making a poof and adding some ruffles on curtains for me! Birdie's so lucky to have her as a buddy), a new light fixture went up, crib got put together, the glider came in, and a new closet system was installed to maximize space.

 

Here's a couple of sneak peek pictures:

 

I love how the bead board turned out (no we didn't do that part ourselves), the wall color is Sherwin Williams Dewey

 

The first thing hung in her closet had to be the very first baby item I bought 3 summers ago, her first Cardinal shirt :)

 

I love her bed and bedding. This phone picture doesn't do it justice.

 

Other pregnancy related happenings....

 

I've started experiencing big feet and ankles! My feet and ankles started swelling up 2 weeks ago. I was worried that it was too early for me to start swelling but the doctor says it is normal as long as I didn't have other side effects with it and I don't. I decided to go back to the chiropractor and get adjusted and that helped a lot. The swelling comes and goes, however I am pretty sure my feet have grew a 1/2 or whole size. Most of my shoes are too tight to wear. I tried on several sandals this weekend and no luck, they are too tight on the top of my feet. So it is probably going to be a summer of flip flops everyday. 

 

I can tell my hormones have changed, everything makes me cry, happy stuff and sad stuff, tv and songs, pretty much anything! I have never been much of a crier until now. Saturday I heard the song "I Loved Her First" and started crying immediately and that turned into a long sobbing boohoo! At the end of the song there is a line "someday you might know what I'm going through, when a miracle smiles up at you". Ahhh, I can't wait to see our miracle smiling up at her daddy and watch him fall in love that second. I am crying typing this.  

 

My last doctor appointment was last Thursday, it was also my glucose and anemia screening. The doctor appointment went fine, he said everything is going as expected. A friend that works at the clinic got the ultrasound tech to do a quick scan for us before we left. I was so excited. I thought surely we will get a good profile shot this time and a between the legs shot that didn't have a ? beside girl. Nope! She was laying in the same position as last time. She likes those hands over her face. I still couldn't make out any features on the screen except seeing her arm and mouth move. Also she had her legs closer together than last time, so the tech couldn't see anything in that area! Ha, stinker. Friday I got the call that I was borderline anemic and needed to start iron supplements and that I had failed my glucose screening by 3 points. I was afraid of that. I cried the entire drive home then I sucked it up and remembered how lucky I still am. So now I have to take the 3 hour test where you drink the gross koolaid 3 times and they draw your blood 3 times and you don't get to eat from bed to lunch the next day (that's the part I am dreading, no food!). I go Friday for it and I pray I pass it this time. Lots of women fail the first and pass the second one. If I fail it that will be ok too, I will sacrifice sweets and whatever else I have to!

 

I think that about catches me up. I am 26 weeks 4 days today. 2/3 of the way!!

 

 

The Today Show and Transfer Regimen

MY DOCTOR, DR. SILBER, WAS ON THE TODAY SHOW!!!

Tuesday morning a friend's mom called her at work (our work) and told her she thought my doctor was on The Today Show. I ran to the break room and turned the TV on. I had already missed half of it but thanks to the Internet I was able to watch it all.

Now I know Dr. Silber has been on TV several times in the past but this time they preformed an egg retrieval live for the first time ever and showed the process of inserting sperm into the eggs. I saw all those people just 3 weeks ago, Dr. Silber, the nurses, the ultra sound tech and the girl drawing her blood! They even showed the guy sitting in the room waiting for them to wheel his fiance back in. I wonder if Ryan looked that nervous? Probably not this time but maybe the first time. So cool!

Here is the link to the article and the two video segments.

http://www.today.com/moms/why-im-doing-ivf-live-tv-one-womans-fertility-journey-4B11235075

{Disclaimer: Yes I wish this couple would go to the courthouse and get married, have a wedding ceremony later people!}

I can't wait to hear the update on their fertilization!

I HAVE A DETAILED SCHEDULE FOR THE TRANSFER!

Birth control pills begin: TBD (depending on my next cycle start date)

Lupron injections of 10 units daily begin: November 18

Birth control pills end: November 21

Estrace pills 4 mgs twice a day begin: November 29

Vivelle dots (3 dots applied to abdomen every M, W & F) begin: November 29

Blood test for hormone panel & ultrasound to measure uterine lining (locally): December 9

Lupron injections end: December 12

Progesterone 2 cc injections begin: December 13 (these will continue until my blood test and if I am pregnant will continue everyday for 10 weeks)

Ultrasound to measure uterine lining (in St. Louis): December 13

Frozen embryo transfer: December 16

Quantitative Beta HCG blood tests (ie pregnancy test!): December 27 & December 30

Whew! That's a lot to keep up with. Lots of shots this time. I knew that was coming though. I did an estimate and if I am blessed with pregnancy it will be roughly 110 straight days of shots! But if that test comes back positive I will gladly take a shot in the hip everyday! Ryan is gonna have to get tough because he will have to give them to me. The progesterone shots have to be in the hip.

For the last week and a half I have been having a pregnancy dream almost every night. The strange thing is that I haven't had a pregnancy dream that I can remember in over a year! I have had maybe 2 or 3 dreams about babies but none that I am pregnant. All this time, tons of medicine, countless trips to the doctor, countless ultrasounds and blood work, 5 inseminations, 2 egg retrievals and NO PREGNANCY dreams! It's so strange when I think about it. I pretty much day dreamed 24/7 of being pregnant but no dreams at night. I guess my conscious is finally confident enough that I will be pregnant someday soon. I love these dreams. I wake up so happy. Some of them are really happy and some are stressful. I dreamed last night that it was time to go to the hospital. Ryan wouldn't quit talking to everyone around us and kept trying to get things done before we left. I kept looking at my belly and telling him that I didn't think it was time because my belly only looked like I was about 4 months pregnant. I asked him if I had any ultrasounds and he said no. I panicked and said "how can I be ready to deliver if I have never even had an ultrasound?" And of course he was not worried at all and told me it would be fine. Then I woke up. I had one dream a few nights ago that we went in for an ultrasound and the baby was sucking it's thumb. I was sooooooo happy when I woke up from that dream. I cannot wait to hear a heartbeat. I cannot wait to see a baby move on the screen (instead of just looking at follicles on that screen). I hope these happy dreams continue, they give me confidence.

Love At First Sight

I was so happy when I got home and checked the mail yesterday!! There was an envelope from Dr. Silber's office. I knew what was inside, a picture of our babies!!! I tried to stay calm as I was trying to get the darn envelope open, I knew I had to be careful and not damage the work of art enclosed. :)

Here they are in all their glory, wonder and beauty!!

I am in LOVE!

 

 

Thank You God for these precious tiny miracles! Thank You for giving others the science and knowledge to create these microscopic blessings! They each have 23 chromosomes from mommy and 23 from daddy. Their gender is already determined too, but only God knows that right now! :)

 

I got to thinking last night as I was looking at this photo. How neat is it that someday we may get to show our baby(ies) this photo and tell them the story of them? And how so many people prayed and prayed for them before they were even in mommy's belly. And how mommy and daddy knew them and loved them so much, even when they were smaller than the size of the period at the end of this sentence. This is a gift. Not many people get to see their babies at 3 days old! :)



In other news, my sister's baby shower is tomorrow! I am so excited! Kolette and I have lots of work to do, making everything pretty and yummy!

Come on June!!

So things are going along pretty smoothly. I only have 7 more days of taking birth control!

I have completely quit caffeine now! It was hard but only for about a week.

I have also decided to change the way I eat. I am trying to eat lots of protein and really limit processed foods. It has been hard. I do like meat, eggs, cheese, etc. But I also like bread and junk food! I have been doing better than I thought I could. A study showed women that got at least 25% of their calories from protein had a much higher success rate while undergoing IVF. So I thought I better give it a shot and try, try, try!

So the schedule is still the same:

Birth control through May 28th
Have a period
Ultrasound, blood work @ Mtn. Home and begin Clomid on June 3rd
Follistim shots June 5th, 7th and 9th
Appt with Dr. DeRosa @ St. Louis June 6th (Cardinals game that night! Woohoo!)
Ultrasound, blood work June 7th @ St. Louis
Then probably sent home and told to come back Monday for ultrasound & blood work
Will for sure have an ultrasound & blood work every other day that week, if not everyday until egg retrieval

And for the best news we have received in quite a long while........ looks like insurance is gonna PAY!!! We are so excited. I am trying not to get too excited because I know how things can change so quickly on this infertility roller coaster. But I do feel like shouting it on a rooftop somewhere! THANK YOU GOD!! Thank you for my job that provides insurance. Thank you that I live in Arkansas, one of the states that has laws for infertility coverage. Thank you that those laws apply to my policy.

I am getting so excited about the whole process! No nerves yet. The only thing to be nervous about is egg count and egg quality and then embryo quality. But I haven't started obsessing about that yet. No point!

Kolette and I have started planning Rayleen's shower! It's gonna be super cute! I am excited to have a side project. It still seems a little unreal that she is having a baby. But I cannot wait for the little stinker to get here! She's gonna be soooo spoiled and have the best aunts ever!

Update... not much to tell

It's been a while since my last post. Mostly because there hasn't been much to tell. I finally started my cycle and have a day by day plan now!

I started my first birth control pill yesterday and will stay on them until May 28th.

On June 3rd I will begin Clomid and stay on it until I am told to stop.

I will give myself three injections of Follistim on June 5th, 7th and 9th.

My first monitoring appointment, which includes an ultrasound and blood work to measure my follicles and check hormone levels, is June 3rd. The first monitoring appointment I can do at the local hospital.

My second monitoring will be in St. Louis on June 7th. I was told to make an appointment with my assigned OB, Dr. DeRosa. He will be the doctor doing my retrieval. I tried to get it the same day as the monitoring appt, but he isn't in town that day. So I scheduled to meet with him the day before. Which works out just fine! We will have to be in St. Louis extremely early on the 7th, so we can go up the day before meet with the OB and stay the night. AND the Cardinals are playing that night! I already bought our tickets! {EXCITED!!} We will also both have our HIV and hepatitis tests one of these two days.

After that I am not sure, it turns into a day by day basis. My scheduled transfer date is still June 14th but this could vary 1 - 2 days before or after. It all depends on how well my follicles respond to the medications.

Last week I called the insurance coordinator at St. Luke's Hospital (where all the magic will happen). I gave her my insurance information and told her that my policy does cover infertility but I didn't know if I would meet the qualifications or not. I was told a while back by a Blue Cross customer service rep that "two years of unexplained infertility" starts when you first see a doctor about your infertility. I have been so confused by that statement. Because a doctor doesn't normally want to see you for infertility until you meet the definition of infertility which is trying for 12 months without success. So does that mean that I have to try for 12 months on my own and then for another 2 years with the assistance of a doctor? So confusing! That doesn't even make sense, two years of infertility is two years to me! Anyway, she said she would get in contact with my insurance company and let me know at the beginning of this week. I know I shouldn't worry about it, because it will be what it will be. I cannot change it. But again the wait to know is torture. It doesn't matter what the answer is. We are going forward with our plan either way. But if we could actually get some help from insurance that would be such an amazing blessing!

I started a savings account about a year after we married. I told Ryan it was our future home fund. I wanted to save up money for when we built a house and I wanted new furniture or upgrades that weren't in our budget. No most people probably don't think like this. If you know me well enough you know I am a planner and like to prepare. Thank you Lord for making me that way! I am more than happy to spend that money on creating a family than on the material things I intended it for! (He knew what he was doing, I didn't). We have enough money saved up to pay for two, back to back retrievals. I am not trying to be greedy with my money when I say that I hope insurance will help out. Because I am not trying to keep my money, instead I am thinking "ok what if we go through the first two and they are not successful, then we have no savings left?" Which would put more stress on the situation. Not that that would be the end of the journey. Because it wouldn't. We would continue on.

It sure was nice to have a break from the craziness and emotions for a month but I am excited to get started! Yesterday as I took my first birth control pill I moved one step closer! I am looking forward to the next step. June 14th is 39 days away! Some days I still can't believe this is happening!

 

My chalkboard :)

St Louis Appointment!

I am getting pretty excited because our appointment with the world renowned, genius in his field, Dr. Silber of St. Louis is in 9 days! I made the appointment on March 4th after finding out that our 4th IUI attempt was unsuccessful. Feeling frustrated it was time for a second opinion. I already had an appointment with my current doctor in Little Rock on the 7th to discuss what our next options were. So we decided to give them one last chance while we waited on our other appointment. The doctor gave us the options of doing another IUI with a different medicine this time, Letrozole, or move on to IVF.

He explained that Letrozole is like Clomid, minus all the side effects and minus the possibility of the uterine lining becoming thinned but it is more expensive. After hearing this, I was some what peeved that I hadn't been offered this drug sooner. I mean if Clomid thins the lining of the uterus the doctor should tell you that upfront, give you the option to save money or spend the extra $50 - $70 for a drug that doesn't thin the lining and has been known to have basically no side effects! I really do believe if given the option I would have chosen the Letrozole starting with the first IUI. For one I had already taken two rounds of Clomid and secondly I would have never chosen a drug that "could" thin my uterine lining. Obviously I would want my uterine lining to be at the best of it's ability so that an embryo could attach if formed!

So anyway after discussing it with Ryan for about two minutes, we decided to give it one more shot while we waited for our appointment in St. Louis. We knew before hand that we had no plans of doing IVF in Little Rock. We had heard that Dr. Silber in St. Louis was at the top of the IVF field and had decided if we had to do IVF we would go there. After all, St. Louis is only about 30 minutes farther than Little Rock for us and we love St. Louis. We make at least one trip there every summer to watch the Cardinals! (At least if we were doing IVF this summer we could maybe catch a few games to pass the time.)

Anyhow, the doctor told me that my uterine lining was thinned the last cycle and that with the new medicine we shouldn't have that problem. He also wanted to add FSH injection shots this round. I thought bring it on. I am willing to try anything new even if I do have to give myself a shot. (What us infertile women wouldn't do!) I left Little Rock feeling somewhat positive. At least we were trying a new medicine and adding the FSH injections as well. They scheduled me to come in on the 15th for an ultrasound to measure my follicles and make sure they were growing properly. If they were on track, they would send me home with the Ovidrel shot and tell me when to be back for the insemination. I was figuring I would get the shot, take it Friday night and be back on Sunday morning.

This time there was no instruction to start the OPK tests. However, when I got home after work on the 14th I decided to take one just in case, call it an infertile woman's intuition. In my mind I thought it was too early, only day 12 of my cycle but took it anyway. I was shocked, it was positive. I called the doctor to see what he wanted me to do. He said that Ryan would need to come with me just in case it was time but that I needed to test again in the morning. So I tested again, positive again. I had my ultrasound, my follicles and uterine lining looked good. He said that I had one measuring at over 20 mm (perfect) and I had not ovulated yet. He wanted to go ahead and do the insemination. I was excited because that meant no Ovidrel shot and no trip back on Sunday.

Thinking we would have to be back on Sunday, we had already planned to make a weekend of it. So I booked a hotel for two nights and we went to the horse races on Saturday. The weather ended up being perfect and we had a great time. But obviously my body wasn't busy making a baby during this time. :(

So back to what I originally started talking about, my appointment next Friday! I am so excited to get a second opinion even if that opinion is to do IVF (traditional or mini-IVF). I finished our paperwork this morning and had our records transferred. I cannot wait to meet Dr. Silber and his staff. I have heard wonderful things about the entire clinic. I am excited to have one doctor and one nurse assigned to my case. A nurse that will have access to my file and know what is going on with me, a nurse that I can call and ask questions. A nurse that can actually answer questions and will call you back. From what I hear they are very professional, personal and compassionate. Something I have yet to come in contact with on this journey. Crazy that you can go to a reproductive endocrinologist for six months and you still feel like no one in the entire office cares if you get pregnant or not! You would think they would want to be successful at their field?? Hmm.. all I know is I am moving on to better things and praying, praying, praying that this step will be the step we need! I am also looking forward to the break for April, no drugs, no inseminations and hopefully a lot less stress!