Catch Up!

It's been a while since my last post. I haven't done a very good job at documenting pregnancy like I figured I would. So I am making a catch up post.

We chose a name! She is Birdie Claire Walker!

I first felt her move on April 21st and daddy felt her on April 24th. Two of the best days of this pregnancy! She moves a lot now. At first it seemed she really had a pattern of kicking and dancing, usually around 8:00 in the morning, 4:00 in the afternoon and right at bedtime but now it is still those times plus many more times during the day. Even after feeling movement, it still seems a little unreal that a baby is growing in my belly.

Mother's Day was a good day. Last year at Mother's Day I had so many emotions, I was thinking about the baby we lost and how far along in that pregnancy I would have been, about my sister being able to celebrate the growing baby in her belly, about our upcoming IVF plans.... This year I thought about both our babies, the one still growing and the one with Jesus. I cried tears of sadness when I thought about how big he or she may be now and how fun it would be to see our baby with our niece Harley (due about a month apart). I cried tears of joy knowing that baby was safe and happy and where God intended it to be. I cried and thanked God for the baby that is here and growing still. But mostly I thought about all the wonderful people out there still waiting for God to unfold His plan to grow their families and I cried for and prayed for them. I thought about all the blog gals I follow, the ones who have experienced losses in the last year, the ones who are now expecting, the ones who are still fighting to achieve their first pregnancy, the ones who have moved on to another step (different doctors, embryo adoptions, starting the adoption process) and I prayed that they would have a good day.

Ryan surprised me with a gift that day. I have wanted a windmill for my yard for a long time and he finally got me one! We put it together after church that Sunday.

 

23 weeks, 2 days on Mother's Day

 

A few weeks ago was our 5 year anniversary! We celebrated our anniversary the way we do every year, a Cardinal's game! It was Birdie's first trip back to St. Louis, the first of many for our future Cardinal fan. I can't wait to see her in red sitting on her daddy's lap at the games! And her first game was a win!

 

 

24 weeks, 1 day



Her room has been a work in progress for the last month: bead board and trim installed and painted, my friend Dawnesea sewed all her crib bedding (crib skirt, sheet, quilt, pillows, and changing pad cover, she's also making a poof and adding some ruffles on curtains for me! Birdie's so lucky to have her as a buddy), a new light fixture went up, crib got put together, the glider came in, and a new closet system was installed to maximize space.

 

Here's a couple of sneak peek pictures:

 

I love how the bead board turned out (no we didn't do that part ourselves), the wall color is Sherwin Williams Dewey

 

The first thing hung in her closet had to be the very first baby item I bought 3 summers ago, her first Cardinal shirt :)

 

I love her bed and bedding. This phone picture doesn't do it justice.

 

Other pregnancy related happenings....

 

I've started experiencing big feet and ankles! My feet and ankles started swelling up 2 weeks ago. I was worried that it was too early for me to start swelling but the doctor says it is normal as long as I didn't have other side effects with it and I don't. I decided to go back to the chiropractor and get adjusted and that helped a lot. The swelling comes and goes, however I am pretty sure my feet have grew a 1/2 or whole size. Most of my shoes are too tight to wear. I tried on several sandals this weekend and no luck, they are too tight on the top of my feet. So it is probably going to be a summer of flip flops everyday. 

 

I can tell my hormones have changed, everything makes me cry, happy stuff and sad stuff, tv and songs, pretty much anything! I have never been much of a crier until now. Saturday I heard the song "I Loved Her First" and started crying immediately and that turned into a long sobbing boohoo! At the end of the song there is a line "someday you might know what I'm going through, when a miracle smiles up at you". Ahhh, I can't wait to see our miracle smiling up at her daddy and watch him fall in love that second. I am crying typing this.  

 

My last doctor appointment was last Thursday, it was also my glucose and anemia screening. The doctor appointment went fine, he said everything is going as expected. A friend that works at the clinic got the ultrasound tech to do a quick scan for us before we left. I was so excited. I thought surely we will get a good profile shot this time and a between the legs shot that didn't have a ? beside girl. Nope! She was laying in the same position as last time. She likes those hands over her face. I still couldn't make out any features on the screen except seeing her arm and mouth move. Also she had her legs closer together than last time, so the tech couldn't see anything in that area! Ha, stinker. Friday I got the call that I was borderline anemic and needed to start iron supplements and that I had failed my glucose screening by 3 points. I was afraid of that. I cried the entire drive home then I sucked it up and remembered how lucky I still am. So now I have to take the 3 hour test where you drink the gross koolaid 3 times and they draw your blood 3 times and you don't get to eat from bed to lunch the next day (that's the part I am dreading, no food!). I go Friday for it and I pray I pass it this time. Lots of women fail the first and pass the second one. If I fail it that will be ok too, I will sacrifice sweets and whatever else I have to!

 

I think that about catches me up. I am 26 weeks 4 days today. 2/3 of the way!!

 

 

1st Monitoring Results

I haven't posted in a while, not much been going on to tell about.

Yesterday was my first monitoring appointment for this cycle. I had an ultrasound and blood work at my local hospital. Luckily this time I didn't have to spend an hour in the blood lab and be poked by three different people. I hadn't had this guy before and he got it on the first stick! He was so nice too and I thanked him for doing such a great job. :)

I am still not happy with my local hospital. Seems like every time I go there something is not done properly. Why should a patient have to call at 4:00 to both the radiology and lab departments and ask them to send my results to my doctor when it clearly states on the order for both to send them as soon as the results are done? My ultrasound was at 8:15 (the first one of the day) and my blood shortly after. I guess the results were just sitting there because it only took them about 10 mins to reach the doctor. Grrrrrrr. I believe there is no chain of command in the entire hospital. Poor management I suppose. (Side note- my little sister is having her baby there tomorrow, so they better treat her right or I may open a can on them, I got some growing frustration for the place from how they have handled my records and the constant run around they gave my grandma this summer. So ya they better be nice to her and do things right!)

Anyhow.... back to my results. I was a bit disappointed with my ultrasound. The tech only measured 2 follicles this time. That is the lowest count I have ever had. But hopefully it is just because I am early in my cycle. I know by Friday this could all change. I started my Clomid last night and will start my Follistim injections Wednesday night {ironic that it will probably be at the hospital with my new niece and other family members in attendance}. Hopefully the meds will do their job and grow nice follicles!

These were my levels:

Estradiol: 30
LH: 5.7
FSH: 18.3
Progesterone: less than 0.2

The coordinator said all my levels were good and where they should be. She said that I have a 1.5 cm cyst on my left ovary. But that it always seems to be there early in my cycle, that it was there last time and wasn't any cause for concern.

It's all in God's hands! I trust Him. I trust my doctors. And that is what will carry me through this week and next. :)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. James 1:2-7

Happy 35th Birthday Louise!

Today is Louise Brown's 35th Birthday! She is the world's first IVF baby!!! Can you imagine being the parents to the first IVF baby? Back then they called her the test tube baby. I guess some people still do call IVF babies that. Although it is not a tube it is a petri dish people! It has never been a tube. So if you want to be correct call them petri dish babies! It sounds so much cuter that way. :) I personally prefer miracle babies but each to their own. Ha.

Anyway I am just so grateful for the medical pioneers and the couples over the years that took the chance on this new fangled idea of IVF which allowed the science to grow and prosper for the rest of us! And thank you God for allowing it all to happen!

Robert Edwards was the doctor who helped bring Louise into the world.

 

I started my cycle yesterday! I have a call in to Joan, my coordinator. I am awaiting her call back with instructions! Excited!! I will post again tomorrow. Tomorrow is a special day!

Confessions

I am guilty. I have some confessions.

#1) I have been impatient. Some moments I find myself wishing my summer away. I am so ready to be back at St. Louis for our 2nd retrieval. I know it will go by faster than I think. I looked at the calendar this morning and realized it had already been 24 days since our 1st retrieval! It doesn't seem like it has been that long. {Guilty because God's timing is perfect!}

#2) I have allowed the enemy to creep in during my weak moments. Meaning I have played the "what-ifs?". What-if my embryos don't survive the freeze? What if we don't get as many or none the 2nd time? Would my embryos have kept growing if I was doing a 5 day transfer? What if I do get pregnant and miscarry? It could be never ending if I let it. {Guilty because I should not doubt God's plan or the miracles He has already created!}

#3) I have been horrible at sticking to my diet!! I have got to get back to it. It is super important to me. I still want to do the best I can do for this 2nd retrieval. I have been doing lots of research. I am considering taking Royal Jelly. (Sounds gross but it is secreted from the glands in the heads of worker bees). It is supposed to help with egg health and has a ton of other health benefits. Dr. Oz recommends it to everyone (it is also supposed to reduce and prevent signs of aging). I also need to get back to my fertility yoga! I am so ashamed of my lack of obedience! {Guilty because I should not ask the best of my doctors and my Father if I am not willing to put forth my best as well!}

Whew, I feel better! I know I don't need to confess any of that to my readers but I want to be real. I want to share the thoughts and emotions that come with infertility. I have happy thoughts too (like I cannot wait to meet one of those babies in the picture!, I hope we have twins!, I am gonna do even better with the 2nd retrieval!). I am so thankful for Dr. Silber, Dr. DeRosa, Joan, the entire staff that has had anything to do with our process so far and for those 4 beautiful blessings!  I look at the picture of my babies everyday. I wonder if they are boy or girl and what they would/will look like.

We had a good 4th of July and weekend. I got to babysit my niece, Layla, all day Saturday and we celebrated my sister's 27th birthday with all of the family on Sunday. Sunday's sermon was about Abraham and Sarah and waiting! It was great and just what I needed to hear. (I don't want to sound self-centered but it made me feel like it was meant only for me and that I was the only one in the room.)

I found this on another infertility blog and just loved it!

It's getting exciting!!!

Today is my last day at work until after my retrieval! Tomorrow morning we are off to St. Louis to meet with the OB that will be doing my egg retrieval. Then Friday morning I will have my 2nd monitoring ultrasound and blood work.

I had the first monitoring on Monday. My doctor said the ultrasound of my follicle size was right where it should be. I still only had 2 follicles in my right ovary and 5 in my left. I was hoping for more this time but I guess it's better than less. They were tiny, which they are supposed to be in the beginning of a cycle. Then hopefully they grow real big!

The blood work Monday wasn't so great! I got stuck 6 times by 4 different people, almost fainted, spent an hour in the blood lab drinking juice, sitting in front of a fan and having warm towels wrapped around my arms before the supervisor of the lab finally got some (not much) blood from the top of my hand. She told me it was enough to do my hormone panels but not to test for the HIV, Hepatitis, Rubella, etc. Which I was fine with, I knew I could do it in St. Louis on Friday. But then later that day the nurse from Dr. Silber's office called and said the lab told her they didn't have enough blood to run the hormone panel. Dr. S said it was okay, we would just wait and see what my levels were on Friday. But man all that for nothing! Oh well! The lady who finally got my blood said that it was probably because I was so cold. My already extremely tiny veins were hiding. Yup I was freezing at 7:30 when I first walked in and by the time I got to the blood lab it was 9:00, so ya I was froze to the bone by then! Oh well.... just a tiny bump in the road. I can handle tiny bumps! :)

I am not really nervous yet, mainly just excited! However, I do admit this week a little anxiety has started to creep in a bit. The "what if's" have tried to ruin my day a couple of times. But I am really doing pretty good at stomping them out. I can tell Ryan is getting excited too. I am certain he worries too but I don't think he is ever gonna let me see that. He is always so positive! Last night I told him that I was starting to get anxious and of course he asked about what. Ha. I said "I don't know, like what if we don't get any eggs, what if we get some but none fertilize, what if some do fertilize but they all die, what if everything goes smooth and I get pregnant in the Fall like planned but then I miscarry." His reply "Baby we knew going into this that it wouldn't be 100%, we don't know until we try." Yup he's right! Then he said something along the lines of we have to think positive and take one day at a time. Which I really honestly feel like I have been and I really do have to pat myself on the back for that! Because after we left our first consultation with Dr. S, the whole way home I thought to myself how am I ever gonna do this without stressing, worrying and panicking the entire time. That was April 5th, two months ago! So I think I have done pretty darn good, I made it a whole two months before I let the "what if's" start creeping in. It's strange really because that is not my personality at all. I feel like I have done so much better than I thought I ever could.

And don't get me wrong I am still positive about next week. I think when you are doing IVF you almost have to be, otherwise you wouldn't get through it! That and pray and trust in God and his plan. I know this plan was designed for us. I know that we can handle this. I know that it has grown my faith, our marriage, our awareness of our health and is preparing us to be amazing and grateful parents.

Anyway back to my schedule, we should be coming home Friday after my monitoring appt. We will then have to be back to St. Louis Monday morning for monitoring again. We will do blood work and ultrasound at least every other day until the doctor says it is time to get my eggs! EEK, exciting! It's okay if you think I am crazy for being excited about being put under and letting a doctor stick a needle into my ovaries. No I am not worried about that, only about what he says when I wake up! Since people have had questions about how that process is done (I think they have trouble wrapping their minds around it) I have included a picture. The doctor will use an ultrasound probe to guide the needle into each follicle and extract the fluid inside which also contains the egg. (I wish my ovaries looked like this! Mine are no where near that full!)

After they get the eggs out they will inject each one with sperm. Like this

 



Then they will be put in a dish and monitored each day by an embryologist. The goal is for each of the eggs to fertilize. Even though they place the sperm into the egg, that doesn't ensure that it will fertilize and turn into an embryo. But I am praying like crazy they all do! They will know by the next day how many have fertilized. On the second and third day they check to see how good the embryos are growing. The prayer then becomes that by day 3 all of the embryos look like the 8 or 10 cell embryo in the picture below. Those babies are a thing of IVF beauty! Hopefully if everything goes well we will get to see pictures just like these of our future babies. :) :) :)

I will try to make a quick post after each monitoring appt to keep everyone updated on how things are going. Thank you to all of you who have been praying thus far! Now is the time we need your prayers more than ever, prayers for good egg quality that turn into excellent embryos!