Catch Up!

It's been a while since my last post. I haven't done a very good job at documenting pregnancy like I figured I would. So I am making a catch up post.

We chose a name! She is Birdie Claire Walker!

I first felt her move on April 21st and daddy felt her on April 24th. Two of the best days of this pregnancy! She moves a lot now. At first it seemed she really had a pattern of kicking and dancing, usually around 8:00 in the morning, 4:00 in the afternoon and right at bedtime but now it is still those times plus many more times during the day. Even after feeling movement, it still seems a little unreal that a baby is growing in my belly.

Mother's Day was a good day. Last year at Mother's Day I had so many emotions, I was thinking about the baby we lost and how far along in that pregnancy I would have been, about my sister being able to celebrate the growing baby in her belly, about our upcoming IVF plans.... This year I thought about both our babies, the one still growing and the one with Jesus. I cried tears of sadness when I thought about how big he or she may be now and how fun it would be to see our baby with our niece Harley (due about a month apart). I cried tears of joy knowing that baby was safe and happy and where God intended it to be. I cried and thanked God for the baby that is here and growing still. But mostly I thought about all the wonderful people out there still waiting for God to unfold His plan to grow their families and I cried for and prayed for them. I thought about all the blog gals I follow, the ones who have experienced losses in the last year, the ones who are now expecting, the ones who are still fighting to achieve their first pregnancy, the ones who have moved on to another step (different doctors, embryo adoptions, starting the adoption process) and I prayed that they would have a good day.

Ryan surprised me with a gift that day. I have wanted a windmill for my yard for a long time and he finally got me one! We put it together after church that Sunday.

 

23 weeks, 2 days on Mother's Day

 

A few weeks ago was our 5 year anniversary! We celebrated our anniversary the way we do every year, a Cardinal's game! It was Birdie's first trip back to St. Louis, the first of many for our future Cardinal fan. I can't wait to see her in red sitting on her daddy's lap at the games! And her first game was a win!

 

 

24 weeks, 1 day



Her room has been a work in progress for the last month: bead board and trim installed and painted, my friend Dawnesea sewed all her crib bedding (crib skirt, sheet, quilt, pillows, and changing pad cover, she's also making a poof and adding some ruffles on curtains for me! Birdie's so lucky to have her as a buddy), a new light fixture went up, crib got put together, the glider came in, and a new closet system was installed to maximize space.

 

Here's a couple of sneak peek pictures:

 

I love how the bead board turned out (no we didn't do that part ourselves), the wall color is Sherwin Williams Dewey

 

The first thing hung in her closet had to be the very first baby item I bought 3 summers ago, her first Cardinal shirt :)

 

I love her bed and bedding. This phone picture doesn't do it justice.

 

Other pregnancy related happenings....

 

I've started experiencing big feet and ankles! My feet and ankles started swelling up 2 weeks ago. I was worried that it was too early for me to start swelling but the doctor says it is normal as long as I didn't have other side effects with it and I don't. I decided to go back to the chiropractor and get adjusted and that helped a lot. The swelling comes and goes, however I am pretty sure my feet have grew a 1/2 or whole size. Most of my shoes are too tight to wear. I tried on several sandals this weekend and no luck, they are too tight on the top of my feet. So it is probably going to be a summer of flip flops everyday. 

 

I can tell my hormones have changed, everything makes me cry, happy stuff and sad stuff, tv and songs, pretty much anything! I have never been much of a crier until now. Saturday I heard the song "I Loved Her First" and started crying immediately and that turned into a long sobbing boohoo! At the end of the song there is a line "someday you might know what I'm going through, when a miracle smiles up at you". Ahhh, I can't wait to see our miracle smiling up at her daddy and watch him fall in love that second. I am crying typing this.  

 

My last doctor appointment was last Thursday, it was also my glucose and anemia screening. The doctor appointment went fine, he said everything is going as expected. A friend that works at the clinic got the ultrasound tech to do a quick scan for us before we left. I was so excited. I thought surely we will get a good profile shot this time and a between the legs shot that didn't have a ? beside girl. Nope! She was laying in the same position as last time. She likes those hands over her face. I still couldn't make out any features on the screen except seeing her arm and mouth move. Also she had her legs closer together than last time, so the tech couldn't see anything in that area! Ha, stinker. Friday I got the call that I was borderline anemic and needed to start iron supplements and that I had failed my glucose screening by 3 points. I was afraid of that. I cried the entire drive home then I sucked it up and remembered how lucky I still am. So now I have to take the 3 hour test where you drink the gross koolaid 3 times and they draw your blood 3 times and you don't get to eat from bed to lunch the next day (that's the part I am dreading, no food!). I go Friday for it and I pray I pass it this time. Lots of women fail the first and pass the second one. If I fail it that will be ok too, I will sacrifice sweets and whatever else I have to!

 

I think that about catches me up. I am 26 weeks 4 days today. 2/3 of the way!!

 

 

Ultrasound and Gender Reveal!!!

Last Thursday I had my monthly doctor appointment and ultrasound at 18 weeks 6 days. My mom came with us and Ryan's mom came in from Nashville to be there too. We told the tech first thing that we didn't want to know the gender yet and for her to put it in an envelope for us. We had a cookout planned for Saturday at our house and had invited both our families for a gender reveal. So each time she needed a measurement close to the legs she told us to look away. Pretty sure Ryan and I wouldn't have been able to tell anyway. I wanted to peek so bad but didn't. Baby was not cooperating much at all! The tech kept saying "baby does not want to show it's face, baby has hands up around face" and when down around the legs "baby does not want to give me a good shot". Already a little stinker. She thought baby was sleeping. She had me empty my bladder half way (what is half way? ha) and had me turn side to side to try to get the baby in a better position. Pretty sure the only movement baby made was moving arms from front of face to back behind the head, like baby was stretching back. Maybe baby was asleep or maybe baby will be calm and cool like daddy! We sure hope so! We never got a good profile shot because of the way baby was laying but here are some of the ultrasound pictures.

 

 



Baby was measuring 3 days ahead at 19 weeks and 2 days. Heartbeat was 145. After the ultrasound we met with the doctor. My pelvic measurement was between 17 1/2 to 18 weeks. We chatted a little about upcoming things like the glucose test, talked about how we decided against all testing for genetic abnormalities and set up our next appointment. On the way home we met my sister and handed her the envelope with our baby's gender picture. Aunt Kolette was in charge of the gender reveal. Good thing she met us because I was so tempted to peek!

 

Saturday we cooked out and all our families came over. I think we had close to 30 people there. Even though the wind was trying to blow us away it was so nice having them all together. We had everyone right down their guesses.

 

 

Daddy's guess: Boy! (Momma's guess was boy too)

 

Total Tally: Boy - 18; Girl - 7

 

 

I wasn't nervous all day and didn't have too much time to think about the big reveal. Not until after everyone had ate and Kolette started carrying that box out!

 

 

 

Hearts were racing at this point:

 

Here we go.....

 

And IT'S A........

 

 

 

A GIRL!!!!!

 

So I guess I don't have a mother's intuition. In the beginning we kept thinking it would probably be a girl, just seems like we are surrounded by them so why wouldn't we have one too. Then I started getting a feeling it was a boy in the last 3 weeks or so. So Ryan started thinking it too, after all one surely is due to this family but nope another little precious girl!! I have to say we were a little in shock that night and next day but now it's like it's just meant to be! :)

 

Here's one of the pictures that was in the sealed envelope:

 

 

(We didn't much care for the ?)



 

 

 

She and her cousin due in 2 weeks will be joining these two little squirts (Harley driving and Layla the dog lover) very soon!! They will all grow up together! Oh my, the adventures ahead are endless! I don't have a picture of her bigger cousin Kenzie at the party because she and the other bigger kids were running all over the place.

 

Ryan's mom bought these little cowboy boots (and a boy pair too) so baby girl can be like her daddy!

 

 

 

We are so excited for what the future holds!!

 

 

This little girl is so loved already. We thank God for the opportunity to be her momma and daddy! It truly was a special, special day that we have dreamt and prayed for!

 

{Aunt Sylvia did a great job capturing our special moment; Aunt Kolette did a great job on the box; there were videos too but I can't figure out how to post a video from my phone}



 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 



Results from Monday are normal

My results from Monday are good! She said my lining was nice and thick like it should be. It measured at 12 mm. My Estradiol was 733, they want it to be over 250. So now we wait! This week has been and will continue to fly by and before I know it I will be up at St. Louis waiting at St. Luke's. Waiting to be given a picture of two of my babies that will leave with momma and daddy. Waiting to see Dr. Silber. Waiting to watch my babies on the ultrasound screen.

I am still doing good to remain calm. And still working on the staying positive. Ryan and I are finally allowing ourselves to daydream together about the future. It has been a long time since we have done that. Since April it has only been this is what we got to do today and this is what is coming and no talk of if and when. We talked about cleaning out the spare room, we argued over whether or not I would be getting a minivan if I had twins, we talked about baby names again. It has been nice. I kinda forgot what it was like to daydream.

I am going to the chiropractor after work for an adjustment. I wanted to make sure everything was in line especially my hips. I want everything as perfect as possible and need all nerves that have anything to do with my uterus to be firing properly. Tomorrow night is our injection training. (So looking forward to that. Ha.) Thursday night a friend is having a work Christmas party at her house. And then Friday I will be off to St. Louis with Kolette. I am hoping we can squeeze the rest of our Christmas shopping in that day. I will have to be back by 8:30 for Ryan to do my very first progesterone shot. Hopefully I will get to do something fun Saturday to stay busy. I would love to go see the new Hunger Games movie. Sunday after church we will head up to St. Louis and be hours away from the moment we have been waiting so long for.

I will know Friday what time my transfer is scheduled for on Monday and my instructions.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND PRAYING! Your support means the world to me!

1st Monitoring Results

I haven't posted in a while, not much been going on to tell about.

Yesterday was my first monitoring appointment for this cycle. I had an ultrasound and blood work at my local hospital. Luckily this time I didn't have to spend an hour in the blood lab and be poked by three different people. I hadn't had this guy before and he got it on the first stick! He was so nice too and I thanked him for doing such a great job. :)

I am still not happy with my local hospital. Seems like every time I go there something is not done properly. Why should a patient have to call at 4:00 to both the radiology and lab departments and ask them to send my results to my doctor when it clearly states on the order for both to send them as soon as the results are done? My ultrasound was at 8:15 (the first one of the day) and my blood shortly after. I guess the results were just sitting there because it only took them about 10 mins to reach the doctor. Grrrrrrr. I believe there is no chain of command in the entire hospital. Poor management I suppose. (Side note- my little sister is having her baby there tomorrow, so they better treat her right or I may open a can on them, I got some growing frustration for the place from how they have handled my records and the constant run around they gave my grandma this summer. So ya they better be nice to her and do things right!)

Anyhow.... back to my results. I was a bit disappointed with my ultrasound. The tech only measured 2 follicles this time. That is the lowest count I have ever had. But hopefully it is just because I am early in my cycle. I know by Friday this could all change. I started my Clomid last night and will start my Follistim injections Wednesday night {ironic that it will probably be at the hospital with my new niece and other family members in attendance}. Hopefully the meds will do their job and grow nice follicles!

These were my levels:

Estradiol: 30
LH: 5.7
FSH: 18.3
Progesterone: less than 0.2

The coordinator said all my levels were good and where they should be. She said that I have a 1.5 cm cyst on my left ovary. But that it always seems to be there early in my cycle, that it was there last time and wasn't any cause for concern.

It's all in God's hands! I trust Him. I trust my doctors. And that is what will carry me through this week and next. :)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. James 1:2-7

It's All You'll Ever Know

Today is my due date for our baby. Our baby that was conceived with our first insemination attempt on November 2nd. We found out we were expecting on November 15th and I miscarried on November 25th. Sometimes November seems like it was a year or more ago and sometimes it feels like it was just a few months ago. I think it feels like such a long time ago because so much has happened since then. We went through 4 more unsuccessful inseminations after that, the last being in March. I had my consult with Dr. Silber in St. Louis in April. Then we spent time waiting and preparing for June 14th, my first retrieval. So to say we haven't been busy the last 9 months would be an understatement.

I haven't ever shared on my blog my experience and what took place that day, November 25th. I have never felt like I could. It's just too personal, maybe someday I will. I have read tons of miscarriage stories in the blog world, some from my close circle of blog friends. They are all horrible. They all make me cry and cringe. They all make the flashbacks come back. They all break my heart. They all make me re-live the moment. They all make me feel helpless again. These stories make me feel like it was just yesterday.

I've known this day was coming. I have thought about this day several times in the last 9 months. I have told myself I do not want to be sad on this day! I want to be happy. I want to be thankful that all our baby has ever known is Heaven. I am comforted in knowing this and knowing that our baby was surely greeted by his/her great uncle. You see Ryan's uncle, Ricky, went to Heaven just two days earlier. And I know that Ricky had the biggest smile on his face when he saw our baby. And that he introduced our baby to his/her cousins, his son Joe Derek and their baby that was born to Heaven as well. When I picture Heaven, I see him walking around with all these rug rats and they are all having the biggest time. And that comforts me.

I want to share with you the words to a song that helped me grieve and let go. I still listen to it when I need to be reminded. I still cry every time but now it is a happy cry. A thank you cry. I encourage you to look it up online or on your phone and listen to it! It is the most beautiful song I have ever heard. It is called "Glory Baby" by Watermark.

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

 

 





Every word of this song rings true to me. I believe in every word of this song. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you baby. I know you are safe. I know that you are happy. I know that you are home. I know that we will hold you one day. We love you and your four brothers/sisters!

 

I borrowed this image from my friend Stephanie's blog. I thank God for our friendship! He truly brought us together. She is a beautiful person and writer. I found her blog back in March, almost 4 months to the day of our loss. Sitting at home alone, I read her entire blog. You see I was still stuck in the haze at the time. I hadn't REALLY allowed myself to grieve our loss yet. But as I read her post "A Gift from God" I let go. I really LET GO! I cried and cried and when I was done crying and done reading I felt like a different person. I felt like I could move on. She too suffered a loss. At the time we found each other we were at about the same stage in the journey: no diagnosis, failed inseminations, praying for a miracle. We both finally received diagnoses, the same diagnosis and within in weeks of each other! We both learned that to have children it would take IVF. Her procedure was only a week after mine. They did a fresh transfer and now she is pregnant with twins and I am so over the moon happy for her! She is still giving me hope! So you can see why I thank God for our friendship!

I still thank God for this journey, for all the things we have learned along the way, for the way He has brought our relationship to another level, the way He has strengthened my trust in Him and for all the blessings He has given us along the way!

Love At First Sight

I was so happy when I got home and checked the mail yesterday!! There was an envelope from Dr. Silber's office. I knew what was inside, a picture of our babies!!! I tried to stay calm as I was trying to get the darn envelope open, I knew I had to be careful and not damage the work of art enclosed. :)

Here they are in all their glory, wonder and beauty!!

I am in LOVE!

 

 

Thank You God for these precious tiny miracles! Thank You for giving others the science and knowledge to create these microscopic blessings! They each have 23 chromosomes from mommy and 23 from daddy. Their gender is already determined too, but only God knows that right now! :)

 

I got to thinking last night as I was looking at this photo. How neat is it that someday we may get to show our baby(ies) this photo and tell them the story of them? And how so many people prayed and prayed for them before they were even in mommy's belly. And how mommy and daddy knew them and loved them so much, even when they were smaller than the size of the period at the end of this sentence. This is a gift. Not many people get to see their babies at 3 days old! :)



In other news, my sister's baby shower is tomorrow! I am so excited! Kolette and I have lots of work to do, making everything pretty and yummy!

Home!

We are home! I am doing well. I am a little light headed and have a bad headache but other than that not too bad. I am so happy to be at home in my recliner. Ha.

I am so glad we got to come home today instead of tomorrow! 

So what do you all think???... Should I tell my coordinator to call after work so I can be with Ryan or should I just bite the bullet and let her tell me fist thing??? This is what I will be thinking about all weekend! If it's disappointing news I want/need to be with Ryan but then also I am so anxious and that will just be that much longer to wait... Feel free to comment! I know y'all are reading! :) I have come this far... everything has been so smooth the last two weeks that it makes me nervous if I let myself think.

Side positive note: Ryan told me this morning before we left for the hospital that he had a dream we had twins, one boy, one girl. Then as we were waiting on the doctors to come in my room to send me back I was flipping through the tv channels and came along a show about twins on TLC. They were newborn, tiny. I kept flipping and low and behold I came across some channel for new moms. There was a woman breast feeding twins (one on each breast)!! (They were teaching the various techniques). Anyway as we were eating lunch (finally), Ryan's mom called and said she had to tell me something before she forgot again. She said that Ryan's sister had called a couple days ago telling her that she had a dream I was pregnant and nobody told her. When she ran into me and asked I told her I was pregnant with twins, a boy and girl!! 

So do you all believe in signs?! I do, I think God gives us signs sometimes. Maybe for hope, encouragement or guidance. Not saying that we will have twins but these little things are what keeps my hope alive! And I am thankful for them! 

Funny thing about another sign... The very first thing I bought "baby related" was after about two months of trying (approximately two years ago). It was a "My First Cardinals Tee" baby shirt. There it was staring me in the face the whole time! It even says "St. Louis" on it. I have looked at the thing countless times. I thought about giving it to a handful of moms that got pregnant in those two years but something inside of me couldn't let it go. I have held it and cried. I have laid it out so I would see it everyday to stuff it away a few days later. Granted I know it's not too much of a coincident since Ryan and I are such big fans. But really when you think about it, it is the only clothing item I have bought for our future baby.  

Here it is, isn't it cute?!?

Well there was one other clothing item, the red Tiny Toms I bought in November when I found out I was pregnant. I was going to use them for a Christmas card announcing our pregnancy. I miscarried before I got them in the mail. When I came home and they were sitting on the steps I immediately stuffed them under my bed. I didn't even open the UPS box they came in. Ha, they could be pink or glittery for all I know! My due date for that Angel is July 26th! Wow! 

Anyway I know I will open them someday. Maybe the day I find out I am pregnant. Although I may need another pair! Here's hoping, praying and dreaming about that moment! 

Hope you all have a great weekend! Work buddies I will see you Monday!   

It's getting exciting!!!

Today is my last day at work until after my retrieval! Tomorrow morning we are off to St. Louis to meet with the OB that will be doing my egg retrieval. Then Friday morning I will have my 2nd monitoring ultrasound and blood work.

I had the first monitoring on Monday. My doctor said the ultrasound of my follicle size was right where it should be. I still only had 2 follicles in my right ovary and 5 in my left. I was hoping for more this time but I guess it's better than less. They were tiny, which they are supposed to be in the beginning of a cycle. Then hopefully they grow real big!

The blood work Monday wasn't so great! I got stuck 6 times by 4 different people, almost fainted, spent an hour in the blood lab drinking juice, sitting in front of a fan and having warm towels wrapped around my arms before the supervisor of the lab finally got some (not much) blood from the top of my hand. She told me it was enough to do my hormone panels but not to test for the HIV, Hepatitis, Rubella, etc. Which I was fine with, I knew I could do it in St. Louis on Friday. But then later that day the nurse from Dr. Silber's office called and said the lab told her they didn't have enough blood to run the hormone panel. Dr. S said it was okay, we would just wait and see what my levels were on Friday. But man all that for nothing! Oh well! The lady who finally got my blood said that it was probably because I was so cold. My already extremely tiny veins were hiding. Yup I was freezing at 7:30 when I first walked in and by the time I got to the blood lab it was 9:00, so ya I was froze to the bone by then! Oh well.... just a tiny bump in the road. I can handle tiny bumps! :)

I am not really nervous yet, mainly just excited! However, I do admit this week a little anxiety has started to creep in a bit. The "what if's" have tried to ruin my day a couple of times. But I am really doing pretty good at stomping them out. I can tell Ryan is getting excited too. I am certain he worries too but I don't think he is ever gonna let me see that. He is always so positive! Last night I told him that I was starting to get anxious and of course he asked about what. Ha. I said "I don't know, like what if we don't get any eggs, what if we get some but none fertilize, what if some do fertilize but they all die, what if everything goes smooth and I get pregnant in the Fall like planned but then I miscarry." His reply "Baby we knew going into this that it wouldn't be 100%, we don't know until we try." Yup he's right! Then he said something along the lines of we have to think positive and take one day at a time. Which I really honestly feel like I have been and I really do have to pat myself on the back for that! Because after we left our first consultation with Dr. S, the whole way home I thought to myself how am I ever gonna do this without stressing, worrying and panicking the entire time. That was April 5th, two months ago! So I think I have done pretty darn good, I made it a whole two months before I let the "what if's" start creeping in. It's strange really because that is not my personality at all. I feel like I have done so much better than I thought I ever could.

And don't get me wrong I am still positive about next week. I think when you are doing IVF you almost have to be, otherwise you wouldn't get through it! That and pray and trust in God and his plan. I know this plan was designed for us. I know that we can handle this. I know that it has grown my faith, our marriage, our awareness of our health and is preparing us to be amazing and grateful parents.

Anyway back to my schedule, we should be coming home Friday after my monitoring appt. We will then have to be back to St. Louis Monday morning for monitoring again. We will do blood work and ultrasound at least every other day until the doctor says it is time to get my eggs! EEK, exciting! It's okay if you think I am crazy for being excited about being put under and letting a doctor stick a needle into my ovaries. No I am not worried about that, only about what he says when I wake up! Since people have had questions about how that process is done (I think they have trouble wrapping their minds around it) I have included a picture. The doctor will use an ultrasound probe to guide the needle into each follicle and extract the fluid inside which also contains the egg. (I wish my ovaries looked like this! Mine are no where near that full!)

After they get the eggs out they will inject each one with sperm. Like this

 



Then they will be put in a dish and monitored each day by an embryologist. The goal is for each of the eggs to fertilize. Even though they place the sperm into the egg, that doesn't ensure that it will fertilize and turn into an embryo. But I am praying like crazy they all do! They will know by the next day how many have fertilized. On the second and third day they check to see how good the embryos are growing. The prayer then becomes that by day 3 all of the embryos look like the 8 or 10 cell embryo in the picture below. Those babies are a thing of IVF beauty! Hopefully if everything goes well we will get to see pictures just like these of our future babies. :) :) :)

I will try to make a quick post after each monitoring appt to keep everyone updated on how things are going. Thank you to all of you who have been praying thus far! Now is the time we need your prayers more than ever, prayers for good egg quality that turn into excellent embryos!

Come on June!!

So things are going along pretty smoothly. I only have 7 more days of taking birth control!

I have completely quit caffeine now! It was hard but only for about a week.

I have also decided to change the way I eat. I am trying to eat lots of protein and really limit processed foods. It has been hard. I do like meat, eggs, cheese, etc. But I also like bread and junk food! I have been doing better than I thought I could. A study showed women that got at least 25% of their calories from protein had a much higher success rate while undergoing IVF. So I thought I better give it a shot and try, try, try!

So the schedule is still the same:

Birth control through May 28th
Have a period
Ultrasound, blood work @ Mtn. Home and begin Clomid on June 3rd
Follistim shots June 5th, 7th and 9th
Appt with Dr. DeRosa @ St. Louis June 6th (Cardinals game that night! Woohoo!)
Ultrasound, blood work June 7th @ St. Louis
Then probably sent home and told to come back Monday for ultrasound & blood work
Will for sure have an ultrasound & blood work every other day that week, if not everyday until egg retrieval

And for the best news we have received in quite a long while........ looks like insurance is gonna PAY!!! We are so excited. I am trying not to get too excited because I know how things can change so quickly on this infertility roller coaster. But I do feel like shouting it on a rooftop somewhere! THANK YOU GOD!! Thank you for my job that provides insurance. Thank you that I live in Arkansas, one of the states that has laws for infertility coverage. Thank you that those laws apply to my policy.

I am getting so excited about the whole process! No nerves yet. The only thing to be nervous about is egg count and egg quality and then embryo quality. But I haven't started obsessing about that yet. No point!

Kolette and I have started planning Rayleen's shower! It's gonna be super cute! I am excited to have a side project. It still seems a little unreal that she is having a baby. But I cannot wait for the little stinker to get here! She's gonna be soooo spoiled and have the best aunts ever!

Update... not much to tell

It's been a while since my last post. Mostly because there hasn't been much to tell. I finally started my cycle and have a day by day plan now!

I started my first birth control pill yesterday and will stay on them until May 28th.

On June 3rd I will begin Clomid and stay on it until I am told to stop.

I will give myself three injections of Follistim on June 5th, 7th and 9th.

My first monitoring appointment, which includes an ultrasound and blood work to measure my follicles and check hormone levels, is June 3rd. The first monitoring appointment I can do at the local hospital.

My second monitoring will be in St. Louis on June 7th. I was told to make an appointment with my assigned OB, Dr. DeRosa. He will be the doctor doing my retrieval. I tried to get it the same day as the monitoring appt, but he isn't in town that day. So I scheduled to meet with him the day before. Which works out just fine! We will have to be in St. Louis extremely early on the 7th, so we can go up the day before meet with the OB and stay the night. AND the Cardinals are playing that night! I already bought our tickets! {EXCITED!!} We will also both have our HIV and hepatitis tests one of these two days.

After that I am not sure, it turns into a day by day basis. My scheduled transfer date is still June 14th but this could vary 1 - 2 days before or after. It all depends on how well my follicles respond to the medications.

Last week I called the insurance coordinator at St. Luke's Hospital (where all the magic will happen). I gave her my insurance information and told her that my policy does cover infertility but I didn't know if I would meet the qualifications or not. I was told a while back by a Blue Cross customer service rep that "two years of unexplained infertility" starts when you first see a doctor about your infertility. I have been so confused by that statement. Because a doctor doesn't normally want to see you for infertility until you meet the definition of infertility which is trying for 12 months without success. So does that mean that I have to try for 12 months on my own and then for another 2 years with the assistance of a doctor? So confusing! That doesn't even make sense, two years of infertility is two years to me! Anyway, she said she would get in contact with my insurance company and let me know at the beginning of this week. I know I shouldn't worry about it, because it will be what it will be. I cannot change it. But again the wait to know is torture. It doesn't matter what the answer is. We are going forward with our plan either way. But if we could actually get some help from insurance that would be such an amazing blessing!

I started a savings account about a year after we married. I told Ryan it was our future home fund. I wanted to save up money for when we built a house and I wanted new furniture or upgrades that weren't in our budget. No most people probably don't think like this. If you know me well enough you know I am a planner and like to prepare. Thank you Lord for making me that way! I am more than happy to spend that money on creating a family than on the material things I intended it for! (He knew what he was doing, I didn't). We have enough money saved up to pay for two, back to back retrievals. I am not trying to be greedy with my money when I say that I hope insurance will help out. Because I am not trying to keep my money, instead I am thinking "ok what if we go through the first two and they are not successful, then we have no savings left?" Which would put more stress on the situation. Not that that would be the end of the journey. Because it wouldn't. We would continue on.

It sure was nice to have a break from the craziness and emotions for a month but I am excited to get started! Yesterday as I took my first birth control pill I moved one step closer! I am looking forward to the next step. June 14th is 39 days away! Some days I still can't believe this is happening!

 

My chalkboard :)

St Louis Appointment!

I am getting pretty excited because our appointment with the world renowned, genius in his field, Dr. Silber of St. Louis is in 9 days! I made the appointment on March 4th after finding out that our 4th IUI attempt was unsuccessful. Feeling frustrated it was time for a second opinion. I already had an appointment with my current doctor in Little Rock on the 7th to discuss what our next options were. So we decided to give them one last chance while we waited on our other appointment. The doctor gave us the options of doing another IUI with a different medicine this time, Letrozole, or move on to IVF.

He explained that Letrozole is like Clomid, minus all the side effects and minus the possibility of the uterine lining becoming thinned but it is more expensive. After hearing this, I was some what peeved that I hadn't been offered this drug sooner. I mean if Clomid thins the lining of the uterus the doctor should tell you that upfront, give you the option to save money or spend the extra $50 - $70 for a drug that doesn't thin the lining and has been known to have basically no side effects! I really do believe if given the option I would have chosen the Letrozole starting with the first IUI. For one I had already taken two rounds of Clomid and secondly I would have never chosen a drug that "could" thin my uterine lining. Obviously I would want my uterine lining to be at the best of it's ability so that an embryo could attach if formed!

So anyway after discussing it with Ryan for about two minutes, we decided to give it one more shot while we waited for our appointment in St. Louis. We knew before hand that we had no plans of doing IVF in Little Rock. We had heard that Dr. Silber in St. Louis was at the top of the IVF field and had decided if we had to do IVF we would go there. After all, St. Louis is only about 30 minutes farther than Little Rock for us and we love St. Louis. We make at least one trip there every summer to watch the Cardinals! (At least if we were doing IVF this summer we could maybe catch a few games to pass the time.)

Anyhow, the doctor told me that my uterine lining was thinned the last cycle and that with the new medicine we shouldn't have that problem. He also wanted to add FSH injection shots this round. I thought bring it on. I am willing to try anything new even if I do have to give myself a shot. (What us infertile women wouldn't do!) I left Little Rock feeling somewhat positive. At least we were trying a new medicine and adding the FSH injections as well. They scheduled me to come in on the 15th for an ultrasound to measure my follicles and make sure they were growing properly. If they were on track, they would send me home with the Ovidrel shot and tell me when to be back for the insemination. I was figuring I would get the shot, take it Friday night and be back on Sunday morning.

This time there was no instruction to start the OPK tests. However, when I got home after work on the 14th I decided to take one just in case, call it an infertile woman's intuition. In my mind I thought it was too early, only day 12 of my cycle but took it anyway. I was shocked, it was positive. I called the doctor to see what he wanted me to do. He said that Ryan would need to come with me just in case it was time but that I needed to test again in the morning. So I tested again, positive again. I had my ultrasound, my follicles and uterine lining looked good. He said that I had one measuring at over 20 mm (perfect) and I had not ovulated yet. He wanted to go ahead and do the insemination. I was excited because that meant no Ovidrel shot and no trip back on Sunday.

Thinking we would have to be back on Sunday, we had already planned to make a weekend of it. So I booked a hotel for two nights and we went to the horse races on Saturday. The weather ended up being perfect and we had a great time. But obviously my body wasn't busy making a baby during this time. :(

So back to what I originally started talking about, my appointment next Friday! I am so excited to get a second opinion even if that opinion is to do IVF (traditional or mini-IVF). I finished our paperwork this morning and had our records transferred. I cannot wait to meet Dr. Silber and his staff. I have heard wonderful things about the entire clinic. I am excited to have one doctor and one nurse assigned to my case. A nurse that will have access to my file and know what is going on with me, a nurse that I can call and ask questions. A nurse that can actually answer questions and will call you back. From what I hear they are very professional, personal and compassionate. Something I have yet to come in contact with on this journey. Crazy that you can go to a reproductive endocrinologist for six months and you still feel like no one in the entire office cares if you get pregnant or not! You would think they would want to be successful at their field?? Hmm.. all I know is I am moving on to better things and praying, praying, praying that this step will be the step we need! I am also looking forward to the break for April, no drugs, no inseminations and hopefully a lot less stress!