Results

I am a day late. Yesterday was a crazy and busy day so I didn't post.

 

Of the 12 eggs they retrieved 8 of them were mature enough to inject with sperm. Of the 8 that were injected 4 fertilized. They will freeze them sometime this week and let me know if they all made it through the freeze process. Hopefully all 4 will and we will have a total of 8 frozen embryos. I will go in December for my first transfer (putting 2 embryos back into my uterus).

 

Thank you all for all your kind words, support and prayers! They are so greatly appreciated! It is the best gift we could ask for during this time.

Eggs!!!

12 eggs! I cannot believe it! Neither could Dr Silber! So blessed! All the glory goes to God! I cried when I woke up and Ryan told me. I kept asking if I was dreaming. Thank you all for your prayers. We will know something Monday about fertilization. Keep up the prayers! 

Retrieval set for Saturday

Today's monitoring results:

Right ovary: 5 measurable

Left ovary: 6 measurable

Estradiol: 1485

LH: 4.1

FSH: 7.5

Progesterone: 1.3

So the Ganirelix did it's job and suppressed my LH level. 

I am schedule for retrieval at 9:00 Saturday morning. I have to be there at 7:00.

I am to take two injections of Lupron tonight. One at 11:00 and then next at 1:00 a.m.!! That's gonna be a fun one! Hopefully my alarm works and hopefully I get the right dosage in the needle. I might have to splash some cold water on my face to be alert enough.

I have to admit I am getting pretty home sick. My sister came up with me Sunday and she left this morning because Ryan got here last night. She was so excited to get home and get ahold of our week old niece. Seeing her pictures makes me want to cry. I want to be with them so badly. And I miss my fur baby too. But it's gonna be over real soon. Ryan and I just have to find a way to entertain ourselves tomorrow! And then it gets exciting again! I am so ready! I feel so much more at ease this time around. I guess because I know what to expect the morning of. I haven't started stressing about how many eggs we will get yet. Probably because Kolette and I stayed so busy hitting every thrift store in a 15 mile radius of us and have been working on craft projects in our hotel at night! Hence why my posts are so short. We really had a fun time! The thrift stores around St. Louis are awesome! We bought so much stuff we are going to paint or repurpose! I can't wait to get home and get to work! 

Tomorrow is a free day! No injections, well unless you count the one at 1:00 am! And no blood work or ultrasound! And no alarm in the morning, again except at 1:00 am. Can you tell I dread that one? 

Praying for healthy high quality eggs!! 

Update

Well today I have 11 follicles! That is the good news. The bad news was that I had to do an injection of Ganirelix today and again tomorrow morning. I didn't have to take it last time. It is to make sure that body doesn't ovulate prematurely. They want me to take it this time because my LH level is kinda high. And it looks like my retrieval is going to be Saturday. Kinda bummed about that. Was hoping for Friday but I want it to be perfect timing so I will do it!

My results:

Estradiol 1811

LH 9.8

FSH 7.6

Progesterone 1.3 

Keep the prayers coming! Another ultrasound and blood work in the morning! 

Progress

Sorry haven't been keeping up to date for those of you who are checking. 

Friday I had 2 measurable follicles, one on each side. That is the same as last time at that point. 

Today I had 4 measurable on the left and 2 on the right. 

My levels were:

Estradiol 880

LH 10.1

FSH 9.9

Progesterone 1.4

I am a tad bit bummed that there were not more measurable follicles today. Last time at this point I had 12. But she said I had a lot of smaller ones. So hopefully they catch up! I am not gonna focus too much on the number of follicles. We got 5 eggs last time from around 12. So we could still get that many from less than 12. And it doesn't really how many we get if the quality isn't good. Quality over quantity, still our motto! 

I go back in the morning for another ultrasound and blood work. 

Keep the prayers coming! 

1st Monitoring Results

I haven't posted in a while, not much been going on to tell about.

Yesterday was my first monitoring appointment for this cycle. I had an ultrasound and blood work at my local hospital. Luckily this time I didn't have to spend an hour in the blood lab and be poked by three different people. I hadn't had this guy before and he got it on the first stick! He was so nice too and I thanked him for doing such a great job. :)

I am still not happy with my local hospital. Seems like every time I go there something is not done properly. Why should a patient have to call at 4:00 to both the radiology and lab departments and ask them to send my results to my doctor when it clearly states on the order for both to send them as soon as the results are done? My ultrasound was at 8:15 (the first one of the day) and my blood shortly after. I guess the results were just sitting there because it only took them about 10 mins to reach the doctor. Grrrrrrr. I believe there is no chain of command in the entire hospital. Poor management I suppose. (Side note- my little sister is having her baby there tomorrow, so they better treat her right or I may open a can on them, I got some growing frustration for the place from how they have handled my records and the constant run around they gave my grandma this summer. So ya they better be nice to her and do things right!)

Anyhow.... back to my results. I was a bit disappointed with my ultrasound. The tech only measured 2 follicles this time. That is the lowest count I have ever had. But hopefully it is just because I am early in my cycle. I know by Friday this could all change. I started my Clomid last night and will start my Follistim injections Wednesday night {ironic that it will probably be at the hospital with my new niece and other family members in attendance}. Hopefully the meds will do their job and grow nice follicles!

These were my levels:

Estradiol: 30
LH: 5.7
FSH: 18.3
Progesterone: less than 0.2

The coordinator said all my levels were good and where they should be. She said that I have a 1.5 cm cyst on my left ovary. But that it always seems to be there early in my cycle, that it was there last time and wasn't any cause for concern.

It's all in God's hands! I trust Him. I trust my doctors. And that is what will carry me through this week and next. :)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. James 1:2-7

September 6th It Is!

Our next egg retrieval target date is set.... September 6th it is!

I started my first birth control pill yesterday. Here's the schedule for this round (same protocol as last time):

July 28th: Start birth control pills

August 20th: Last birth control pill

August 26th: Start Clomid; Start Stim Monitoring locally (hopefully it will go smoother than last time)

August 28th: Start Follistim injections, every other day until told to stop

August 30th: 1st Stim Monitoring in St. Louis

September 2nd: Back to St. Louis for Stim Monitoring until Egg Retrieval

September 6th: Targeted Egg Retrieval Date, could be before or after (last time retrieval was on target date)

Last time once I started the medication (bc pills) time started to fly by. It helped to have something to actively do each day (even if it is only taking a tiny pill). I hope that is the case this time too! I am still praying hard that this time will go just as good as last time.

It's All You'll Ever Know

Today is my due date for our baby. Our baby that was conceived with our first insemination attempt on November 2nd. We found out we were expecting on November 15th and I miscarried on November 25th. Sometimes November seems like it was a year or more ago and sometimes it feels like it was just a few months ago. I think it feels like such a long time ago because so much has happened since then. We went through 4 more unsuccessful inseminations after that, the last being in March. I had my consult with Dr. Silber in St. Louis in April. Then we spent time waiting and preparing for June 14th, my first retrieval. So to say we haven't been busy the last 9 months would be an understatement.

I haven't ever shared on my blog my experience and what took place that day, November 25th. I have never felt like I could. It's just too personal, maybe someday I will. I have read tons of miscarriage stories in the blog world, some from my close circle of blog friends. They are all horrible. They all make me cry and cringe. They all make the flashbacks come back. They all break my heart. They all make me re-live the moment. They all make me feel helpless again. These stories make me feel like it was just yesterday.

I've known this day was coming. I have thought about this day several times in the last 9 months. I have told myself I do not want to be sad on this day! I want to be happy. I want to be thankful that all our baby has ever known is Heaven. I am comforted in knowing this and knowing that our baby was surely greeted by his/her great uncle. You see Ryan's uncle, Ricky, went to Heaven just two days earlier. And I know that Ricky had the biggest smile on his face when he saw our baby. And that he introduced our baby to his/her cousins, his son Joe Derek and their baby that was born to Heaven as well. When I picture Heaven, I see him walking around with all these rug rats and they are all having the biggest time. And that comforts me.

I want to share with you the words to a song that helped me grieve and let go. I still listen to it when I need to be reminded. I still cry every time but now it is a happy cry. A thank you cry. I encourage you to look it up online or on your phone and listen to it! It is the most beautiful song I have ever heard. It is called "Glory Baby" by Watermark.

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

 

 





Every word of this song rings true to me. I believe in every word of this song. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you baby. I know you are safe. I know that you are happy. I know that you are home. I know that we will hold you one day. We love you and your four brothers/sisters!

 

I borrowed this image from my friend Stephanie's blog. I thank God for our friendship! He truly brought us together. She is a beautiful person and writer. I found her blog back in March, almost 4 months to the day of our loss. Sitting at home alone, I read her entire blog. You see I was still stuck in the haze at the time. I hadn't REALLY allowed myself to grieve our loss yet. But as I read her post "A Gift from God" I let go. I really LET GO! I cried and cried and when I was done crying and done reading I felt like a different person. I felt like I could move on. She too suffered a loss. At the time we found each other we were at about the same stage in the journey: no diagnosis, failed inseminations, praying for a miracle. We both finally received diagnoses, the same diagnosis and within in weeks of each other! We both learned that to have children it would take IVF. Her procedure was only a week after mine. They did a fresh transfer and now she is pregnant with twins and I am so over the moon happy for her! She is still giving me hope! So you can see why I thank God for our friendship!

I still thank God for this journey, for all the things we have learned along the way, for the way He has brought our relationship to another level, the way He has strengthened my trust in Him and for all the blessings He has given us along the way!

Happy 35th Birthday Louise!

Today is Louise Brown's 35th Birthday! She is the world's first IVF baby!!! Can you imagine being the parents to the first IVF baby? Back then they called her the test tube baby. I guess some people still do call IVF babies that. Although it is not a tube it is a petri dish people! It has never been a tube. So if you want to be correct call them petri dish babies! It sounds so much cuter that way. :) I personally prefer miracle babies but each to their own. Ha.

Anyway I am just so grateful for the medical pioneers and the couples over the years that took the chance on this new fangled idea of IVF which allowed the science to grow and prosper for the rest of us! And thank you God for allowing it all to happen!

Robert Edwards was the doctor who helped bring Louise into the world.

 

I started my cycle yesterday! I have a call in to Joan, my coordinator. I am awaiting her call back with instructions! Excited!! I will post again tomorrow. Tomorrow is a special day!

Confessions

I am guilty. I have some confessions.

#1) I have been impatient. Some moments I find myself wishing my summer away. I am so ready to be back at St. Louis for our 2nd retrieval. I know it will go by faster than I think. I looked at the calendar this morning and realized it had already been 24 days since our 1st retrieval! It doesn't seem like it has been that long. {Guilty because God's timing is perfect!}

#2) I have allowed the enemy to creep in during my weak moments. Meaning I have played the "what-ifs?". What-if my embryos don't survive the freeze? What if we don't get as many or none the 2nd time? Would my embryos have kept growing if I was doing a 5 day transfer? What if I do get pregnant and miscarry? It could be never ending if I let it. {Guilty because I should not doubt God's plan or the miracles He has already created!}

#3) I have been horrible at sticking to my diet!! I have got to get back to it. It is super important to me. I still want to do the best I can do for this 2nd retrieval. I have been doing lots of research. I am considering taking Royal Jelly. (Sounds gross but it is secreted from the glands in the heads of worker bees). It is supposed to help with egg health and has a ton of other health benefits. Dr. Oz recommends it to everyone (it is also supposed to reduce and prevent signs of aging). I also need to get back to my fertility yoga! I am so ashamed of my lack of obedience! {Guilty because I should not ask the best of my doctors and my Father if I am not willing to put forth my best as well!}

Whew, I feel better! I know I don't need to confess any of that to my readers but I want to be real. I want to share the thoughts and emotions that come with infertility. I have happy thoughts too (like I cannot wait to meet one of those babies in the picture!, I hope we have twins!, I am gonna do even better with the 2nd retrieval!). I am so thankful for Dr. Silber, Dr. DeRosa, Joan, the entire staff that has had anything to do with our process so far and for those 4 beautiful blessings!  I look at the picture of my babies everyday. I wonder if they are boy or girl and what they would/will look like.

We had a good 4th of July and weekend. I got to babysit my niece, Layla, all day Saturday and we celebrated my sister's 27th birthday with all of the family on Sunday. Sunday's sermon was about Abraham and Sarah and waiting! It was great and just what I needed to hear. (I don't want to sound self-centered but it made me feel like it was meant only for me and that I was the only one in the room.)

I found this on another infertility blog and just loved it!