Monday, July 8, 2013

Confessions

I am guilty. I have some confessions.

#1) I have been impatient. Some moments I find myself wishing my summer away. I am so ready to be back at St. Louis for our 2nd retrieval. I know it will go by faster than I think. I looked at the calendar this morning and realized it had already been 24 days since our 1st retrieval! It doesn't seem like it has been that long. {Guilty because God's timing is perfect!}

#2) I have allowed the enemy to creep in during my weak moments. Meaning I have played the "what-ifs?". What-if my embryos don't survive the freeze? What if we don't get as many or none the 2nd time? Would my embryos have kept growing if I was doing a 5 day transfer? What if I do get pregnant and miscarry? It could be never ending if I let it. {Guilty because I should not doubt God's plan or the miracles He has already created!}

#3) I have been horrible at sticking to my diet!! I have got to get back to it. It is super important to me. I still want to do the best I can do for this 2nd retrieval. I have been doing lots of research. I am considering taking Royal Jelly. (Sounds gross but it is secreted from the glands in the heads of worker bees). It is supposed to help with egg health and has a ton of other health benefits. Dr. Oz recommends it to everyone (it is also supposed to reduce and prevent signs of aging). I also need to get back to my fertility yoga! I am so ashamed of my lack of obedience! {Guilty because I should not ask the best of my doctors and my Father if I am not willing to put forth my best as well!}

Whew, I feel better! I know I don't need to confess any of that to my readers but I want to be real. I want to share the thoughts and emotions that come with infertility. I have happy thoughts too (like I cannot wait to meet one of those babies in the picture!, I hope we have twins!, I am gonna do even better with the 2nd retrieval!). I am so thankful for Dr. Silber, Dr. DeRosa, Joan, the entire staff that has had anything to do with our process so far and for those 4 beautiful blessings!  I look at the picture of my babies everyday. I wonder if they are boy or girl and what they would/will look like.

We had a good 4th of July and weekend. I got to babysit my niece, Layla, all day Saturday and we celebrated my sister's 27th birthday with all of the family on Sunday. Sunday's sermon was about Abraham and Sarah and waiting! It was great and just what I needed to hear. (I don't want to sound self-centered but it made me feel like it was meant only for me and that I was the only one in the room.)


I found this on another infertility blog and just loved it!